Give Yourself Credit

Mommy thoughts: “Allowing yourself time to rest & reset as a mother, should never be optional.”

Before diving into our break for this month, we’d like to take a moment to thank our very first guest blogger Shakiela Hurt, who is the author of the entry “Give Yourself Credit.” She is a Detroit based mommy of 3 who also runs a motherhood & lifestyle blog! More about her can be found on Thekietolife.net! It has been an honor to partner with this mommy & we are so thankful for the time she has dedicated to Mommy’sBreak Inc.

The Break: There’s no secret that as a mommy and especially a mommy of mutiples being “burnt out” happens more times than we’d like to admit. Rather you’re married, single, “entangled,” and/or you have that village that they said it takes;  you still have your days. On those days that I feel like no matter how much I accomplish I haven’t done enough, I learned a secret for y’all. Sometimes you’ll feel like no matter how much rest you got you’re still not rested, and the to do list grows as you scratch things off. When this happens, self love days are your friend. I like to use the phrase, “give credit where it’s due”. Because sis, not to toot my own horn, but I am the Suga. Honey. Iced. Tea! We all are & it’s important that as mothers we give ourselves some credit. I’ve observed that I only feel these “burned out” feelings when I’m not giving myself any credit. I had to teach myself that self love really is the best love. Realizing that it’s okay to have days that you do nothing; nothing days are productive too. It’s okay to eat some of their fruit snacks, afterall you did purchase them! 

As a single mom I don’t have too many days that I feel burned out, but I do have crisis moments. While I suffer from Chronic Depression and Anxiety it makes some things for me a bit more complicated. During these moments I allow myself to feel whatever it is that I’m feeling without guilt. It’s healthy to allow your emotions to flow even if they’re not pleasant or popular. There have been times in those moments that I have thoughts of giving up on everything. And when these moments are over I am glad that I didn’t. I’ve learned not to make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions. Even if you have more than one moment a day or more “burned out” days in a week than you feel acceptable don’t forget to give yourself some credit for your good days. The days that you played nanny, nurse, teacher, coach, tutor, etc. The times that you weren’t sure what you were doing or how you were going to do what you needed to but you STILL kept going. These are going to be the most important moments to cling and hold onto.

The greatest gift I can give my children is a healthy mother and that means mentally as well as physical. Don’t feel guilty for putting yourself first. You can’t give to others without filling up your cup first. I struggled badly with even buying things for myself without getting them something too. Until one day I was looking for shoes to go with my outfit and I couldn’t find one pair, but they had a pair to match almost every outfit. It was in that moment I said this is getting out of hand. I find that we care more about some things than they do because of our own self guilt. Once I got over my personal guilt, self care and self love days got easier. On the days that you’re not able to do anything but feed everyone, make sure you all are clean, and alive you are still enough. Give yourself some credit. Nobody can give what you give them. If you feel like you have nothing to give, that means your cup is getting empty. 

M.O.M. hold it down!

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Co-Parenting; Just do it.

When I decided to bring a child into this world, I had no thoughts of what it would be like to co-parent. In fact, the idea of co-parenting was almost like a foreign thought to his father & I. As we know, things happen & life unfolds in ways that aren’t able to be controlled at times. 

From what I saw between friends & family, I knew that co-parenting could be messy, stressful, & unhealthy. This month marks 10 months since I have began the journey of co-parenting. Like all, I have experienced rocky moments, but me & Aiden’s dad have had to communicate throughly & throw the individuality in parenting out of the equation, in order to do what’s best for not only Aiden, but for us as well. 

Of course, there has been times that I have wanted to make my point or ideas behind parenting more important or dominant than his, but it comes down to really talking to myself & reminding myself that this parenting ordeal is bigger than me. There will be things that we don’t agree on & there will be things that we have to make sacrifices & compromise for, but if there is no middle point, the only person/people that suffer are the child(ren). So often, parents think that kids are unaware of their unhealthy relationships, but THEY FEEL IT. 

Co-parenting in itself can be a very contriversial & an easily avoidable topic to discuss, but it’s worth it. My advice to all parents together or not, when it comes to co-parenting, stop making it more complicated by acting off of emotion. It helps to put logic over emotion when considering two different options & ideologies. I can’t count how many times I’ve had to apologize, stop, sit back, & THINK about decisions that we need to make together. The key to co-parenting is “loving your child, more than you hate/dislike their other parent.” Look at your own behaviors during interactions instead of being opt to shun the other for what they’re doing wrong. Parenting in itself is an extremely difficult task, make this one of the easier elements behind it.