Quarantine Learning

Funny how in the beginning of quarantine, I was in bliss with finding time to embrace solitude. Two months later and I have now realized that this can also be a formula for  leading someone into insanity. Sitting at home for 8-9 weeks at a time, with a toddler who can only understand current times as an extended vacation can be one of the hardest jobs. I have no problem admitting that this has been one of the most trying times for me as a mother and as a person in general. I initially wanted to isolate to find some balance within finishing grad school, parenting, working from home, and adjusting to rapidly changing times, but I found much more than what I was looking for.

During the month of April, I took 2 days to be completely isolated from the world. I did this with the intentions of finding balance and understanding where I was struggling with this new way of life. To my surprise, the uneasy feeling that lead me into this, had more to it than just my struggle with abiding by a “Stay in Place” order. Some of the things that I learned during these two days included…

  1. Quarantine is getting to me more than I was able to admit. The lack of structure in life and uncertainty has had an effect on my thought process and mind.
  2. I have to change my DNA to fully achieve the transformation I am looking for.
  3. I have a problem with my attachment to people.
  4. Love is not an emotion & “need love” will never work.
  5. I need to be back in therapy and stop taking breaks.
  6. We are not all in the same boat. We are just experiencing the same storm.
  7. I need to be more serious about my craft.
  8. I have not been grounded in a healthy space.
  9. I want 100% happiness & peace and I won’t stop until it’s there, no matter what.
  10. Aiden brings light to my life in ways that I don’t fully understand.
  11. I truly want to give up hard liquor.
  12. Physical health is more important to me than I realized.

Even with being the author of the list, it still caught me by surprise. These were not things that I went in thinking that I needed to address and/or work on. They were things that came to light when I took time to figure out why I felt so imbalanced. I have not completely worked through all 12 learned points, but I have definitely been able to find some peace and balance in knowing exactly what it is I am to work on during this time and after! With this, I would like to encourage mommies and any one else to take time to balance yourself in whatever way that may be.

Those of us at home with children know that there has not been an “abundance of time,” afforded during this time. Or so it may feel that way. Do not beat yourself up further, but instead figure yourself out and where you are struggling the most. Meditating and writing are responsible for keeping me out of a mommy psych ward & I would love to hear about how you are keeping yourself out of one!

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY WEEKEND MOMMIES!

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It’s Ok To Take A Break

July’s post didn’t come to me as easy as the last few months. Spent a couple days wondering if I would have to come up with an excuse as to why I didn’t write it. To hear that Georgia has some of the strictest child maltreatment and abuse laws, not due to the fact that they care about children the most, but because they experience child mortality rates that are very much so alarming, I instantly felt inspired. After talking with a friend and my second time being in a statewide training on How to be a Good Social Worker: 101. We began talking about the process of potty training toddlers and how some parents struggle with such a simple task to the extent of causing physical injury to their children. It reminded me of why I wanted to start MommysBreak in the first place. When I first had my son and realized how much work it came with. I thought about the fact that there is no epidemic or group of people who are advocating for how important it is to take time from the job of being a mommy.

This conversation sparked a thought process in my head of how easy it is to get frustrated as parents. I thought about how I could not imagine not being able to catch breaks from the job, due to not having a strong support system, especially coming from a co-parent. Mommies have one of the toughest jobs in the world with what sometimes feels like, comes with no reward. We have moved away from the notion of “it takes a village,” when the purpose of this was so that mommies did not have to do EVERYTHING. This often leaves mothers feeling like the weight of the world is on their shoulders. Although I have experienced this mostly in clients, I have also seen this in my own personal life. What separates, is that some of us are more determined than others to feel comfortable with taking a break without shame.

And in no way does some mommies having a different way of dealing with the stress of the job, make them “bad moms.” The world can barely handle working a job for 8 hours a day with typically, two full days off. Imagine having a job that’s “never done.” I say all of this to say that the stigma of a mom needing a break having a direct correlation to bad parenting, needs to be removed. As a mom and a social worker, I see so many situations that could be avoided if moms were afforded a simple hand for a break.

I am forever grateful for the people that have assisted me in this mommy journey. As without being able to have a break to be myself outside of mommying, is something I could not imagine. I encourage all to remember this when judging a mom for being tired, needing help, and/or making a mistake. Changing the attitude of judging to one that is willing to help. For mommies who do not feel as though they deserve to receive help parenting, I advise you to seek and appreciate a hand.