Can you believe there’s absolutely nothing wrong with telling your kid(s) to leave you alone? Like seriously, we can tell them as straight forward as it sounds, “please leave me alone for now” and it doesn’t make us bad moms. We’ve allowed society to confuse the way we parent so much that damn near everything we do feels wrong & I’m here to say, do it however it feels good to YOU. In a way, even that advice can be limiting because it won’t always feel “good” to look your 6 year old in the face and ask for time alone, but being able to is a necessity for our roles as mothers.
Mommy’sBreak Inc. was established on the basis of wanting moms to know we must TAKE A BREAK because it’s literally the only way to master the role of motherhood. Yes, we are indeed responsible for brining them into this world, but that shouldn’t and isn’t supposed to eliminate individuality. I’ll never stop stressing the FACT that without catering to self & allowing yourself space away from motherhood, it’s almost impossible to be a good mom. I also understand, much easier said than done. There’s moments I have to remind myself that I can’t preach how important a break is & then go behind the scene and not practice having them myself. Having many examples for what I’m preaching today.
There are times I still have to talk myself out of thinking I’ve done something wrong for telling my kid to leave me alone. There are moments I have to stop immediately after saying it and tell myself, “there was nothing wrong with that,” so I get it. I’m not advising you of anything easy, but again very necessary. Now of course, I’m not suggesting rudely telling our kid(s) to get the f*ck out of our faces either. I’m just saying if you start a task and a child who acts like he/she can’t survive without your attention interrupts that task, it is absolutely ok to say, “mommy is in the middle of _____ right now, please leave me alone until I finish.” Not only teaching them how important it is that you’re allowed time to cater to your own needs, but also teaching them how to feel less entitled to the space and time of others in general. Something we all struggle with.
Another point that makes this important is the fact that it’s not only a teaching moment, but a moment that they’re actually looking for guidance of some sort. Aiden was playing on his tablet and I was sitting next to him scrolling social media. I transitioned & started journaling. This caused him to take a break from his tablet and start jumping on and over me because in his words, “it got too quiet in the room.” Really believing in his head that the proper action to that was to disrupt. & I know, I have some parents that’ll go “he wasn’t looking for guidance,” “he’s just being bad,” “he knows exactly what he was doing,” but it’s simply not true. Kids aren’t bad and kids don’t know better. We want to give children SO much more power than they hold in this life. Just because they got it right 10 times, the 11th time is not where you expect mastery from a CHILD. I mean think about how many times you’ve done something “correct” & still had a mistake after so many times. I’m sorry to break it to you, just about everything your child does is to be guided.
In the end of it all, we have to remember our shared purpose in motherhood. It isn’t about spoiling your kid(s) the deepest, giving your life over for the kid(s), showing the kid(s) off the best, or looking the best from outside viewers. It’s about us preparing generations after generations to do better than all the ones before. We constantly complain about how the state of the world is deteriorating, not realizing that WE are the problem in every sense. Starting with something as simple as teaching your kid they aren’t entitled to your space and time. Showing them how life works in REALITY is how we do our best jobs in the role of motherhood. Just never know how far these things can work in our favor so let’s start practicing better habits for not just our well being but theirs as well.
Whether you’ve been practicing it & not as intentional or have never told your kid(s) to leave you alone before, it’s okay. We can make it something that we start today and make sure we’re always intentional so there’s balance involved and it isn’t transformed into neglect. Here are 5 ways to help you with telling your kid(s) to leave you alone:
- Make sure they understand you’re asking for time alone out of love – Don’t say it rudely or reject affection. It’s okay to share a hug and kiss while explaining you’d like to be left alone.
- Set an activity for them to do independently – Whether it be screen time, arts & crafts, napping, or simply playing with toys/each other.
- Be intentional – You want to make sure you’re paying attention to things like how often you’re asking to be alone as well as timing when it’s granted. Don’t want them to feel like you’re neglecting so depending on age, it’s completely okay to explain to them why you’re asking to be left alone.
- Understand that change is always hard – If it’s something you’ve never practiced it’ll be an adjustment for both you and them. Just stay consistent in creating a new space for you all.
- Don’t ever feel bad – You’re not doing anything wrong. Our kids start learning everything they understand about the world from us.
Remember it’s our shared goal to shape our children into better versions of ourselves and set the course for how they understand life. You want your kid(s) to have confidence and know how to be independent and believe it or not it starts in these simple ways.
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