Mommy thoughts: “If you’re no good to self. Then you can be no good to them.”
Before diving into our break for this month, we’d like to take a moment to thank guest blogger Shakiela Hurt, who is returning for a 3rd time. She is a Detroit based mommy of 3 who also runs a motherhood & lifestyle blog! Shakiela is also a doula and aspires to be as transparent as possible to all women, no matter their age or ethnicity. Long term goals of hers include becoming a nurse Midwife, having her own practice, and traveling the world as a motivational speaker to women.
She’s all about love, transparency, and solutions.
More about her can be found on Thekietolife.net or on Instagram @kietolife! It has been an honor to partner with this mommy & we are so thankful for the time she has dedicated to Mommy’sBreak Inc.
Self – /self/
- a person’s essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action:
“We tend to alienate from our true selves.”
- (of a trimming or cover) of the same material and color as the rest of the item:
“She wore a dress that had a self-belt.”
- self-pollinate; self-fertilize:
“In each progeny, three to five plants were selfed.”
Care – /ker/
- the provision of what is necessary for the health, welfare, maintenance, and protection of someone or something:
“The care of the elderly.”
- serious attention or consideration applied to doing something correctly or to avoid damage or risk:
“He planned his departure with great care.”
- feel concern or interest; attach importance to something:
“We must care for human life.”
- look after and provide for the needs of:
“He has numerous animals to care for.”
Self-care is not a one size fits all category nor are there any rules to it. It changes based on the specific person and their needs at that specific time. It looks different for everyone and their individual circumstances. If I am being honest, lately my self-care has included doing absolutely nothing but relaxing and lounging around.
Ya girl got tired and overwhelmed and I decided we got to switch things up! Had to switch my way of thinking to look more like, me first and everything/everyone else when I get to it. I can’t be the only mommy that gets so caught up in making sure everything is taken care of that I forget to put myself on my own “to-do list.” Sometimes self-care can be as simple as uninterrupted sleep. While other times it can be a date night with the boo, a night out with the girls, or simply just buying a new top. That’s what makes it SO unique, it can be as big or as small as YOU NEED IT TO BE.
I like to think of my personal self-care as a glass. I must fill my cup and whatever is left over I am able to give to others IF I decide to. If my cup is not full, I have nothing to give to others. Therefore, I need to focus on filling up my cup and pouring into my own self. Everyone else can get what spills over, the leftovers, once my cup is full enough for me. For those of us that are parents, I know it may seem impossible to live by this, but this goes for them babies too! Now of course, I have times where I might give the little I have, when my cup isn’t full just yet to them; my children are the only exception. But let us face it, I am not truly any good to them without being my best self. Do not feel guilty for taking time to yourself or doing things for yourself. As a single mom, after going through divorce I would feel so guilty. I had worked two jobs while pregnant with Karson (my son) and I never saw the girls. Sometimes when I would get home they would already be sleeping. While in this space, I’d overcompensate by buying things. It is nice but I learned swiftly that kids do not care about that stuff.
You buy and you buy. You do and do. Doing things no one even asked you to do leading you to feel burned out and overwhelmed. It is not to say that helping and giving to others is not a good thing but all in all I want you to understand, there is a need for balance. Make sure to save and give something to yourself. Use some of that energy to fill your own cup instead of others. Take a moment after reading this to ask yourself and really answer it. When your cup is empty who helps you fill it back up? You cannot give what you do not have. Thankfully after talking with my children and them expressing they understood for their level it helped erased my personal guilt.
If you are a mommy struggling in this space, initiate the conversation!! Talk to your kids and those around you about needing space to fill your cup. You’d be amazed at how supportive people actually are of you simply taking care of yourself.
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