I really thought me and Desmond had gotten so lucky that we would be able to say, we couldn’t relate to our kid dropping to the ground while kicking his feet and screaming. Especially given that Aiden is able to have and carry full conversations about when he’s upset and why. It wasn’t until last night that I noticed when he dropped to the floor, he did so in steps allowing me to see that he is looking for a reaction. When I asked … or told him to get up and get out of my kitchen, he stood up and stated, “but mommy, I’m mad.”
Over the last month or so, since the tantrums have started, what he’s searching for, is exactly what he’s gotten from both me and Desmond. Usually him collapsing on the ground results in his dad yelling and/or me threatening the whooping that’s never happened. Realizing that a reaction is exactly what my child has been looking for, it led me into thinking why a kid as smart as him would want to get such a high emotional reaction from his parents. It then led me to think about the fact that he ONLY does it with us two. Over time these reactions become more and more intense, mainly due to shock. I think I may have even asked at one point why he would wait until he’s almost four to start this.
While not capable of giving me a solid answer, his “mommy I’m mad,” statement was enough to help me at least try to figure it out. I had to stop and think about the fact that Aiden’s parents have many new sources that have taken our attention in the last few months. I just shared with you all last month that I was practically forced to spend a day giving my full attention to him. His dad has launched merchandise under his brand, been working on a new project, and while unintentional, that has taken away from the attention Aiden is used to. With this, I have also been working on the release of a book, planning a party, dealing with life, and working on various projects outside of being a mother. So when asking myself why, I had to dig into the role I am also playing. I am a huge believer in the idea of looking deeply into the things that frustrate you until you’re able to see your reflection. However, it is not always easy to apply this when parenting! Do I believe that Aiden saw another child engage in this behavior and thought he’d give it a shot? Absolutely. Do I believe he’s fully capable of expressing himself without the fall out? Absolutely. But what I don’t believe is that he can say, “hey mom and dad y’all attention to me has been off and I would like more of it.”
As a parent, I think it is beyond important to be able to look at your self and own behaviors, when trying to understand your children. I have talked about this in previous blogs, yet and still I am also finding myself repeatedly receiving this lesson. I thought it would be useful to share with other mommies and parents as a reminder. Use this month to come to an understanding with your child about a recent behavior that may be frustrating you! No matter the age or issue, who may be in the “wrong” or “right,” just think deeper than what you see at face value. I’d love to hear how this worked for you and your child(ren)!
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